You might think you are doing your family a favor when you scrub the seat with strong cleansers that are made with harsh chemicals. You are killing germs, right? Yes, but you are also putting those harsh chemicals against very sensitive skin. Think about it.
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- From Scherlok Holmes Toilet
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"Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their shit in little balls.
And thos who read these words of wit
Eat these little balls of shit!" 
The days were old, the nights were blue,
And through the alleys the shit wagons flew.
A bump was hit, a cry was heard,
A man was killed by a flying turd!
In days of old
Roll their shit in little balls.
And thos who read these words of wit
Eat these little balls of shit!"
The days were old, the nights were blue,And through the alleys the shit wagons flew.
A bump was hit, a cry was heard,
A man was killed by a flying turd!
when knights were bold
and toilets weren't invented....
they'd lay their load
upon the road
and walk away contented.
He who writes on shit house walls
rolls their shit in little balls...
he who reads these words of wit
eats those little balls of shit.
- Here I sit in clouds of vapor
Someone stole the toilet paper.
How much longer must I linger
Before I'm forced to use my finger? -
-
- On this way you can save your paper!
Some people come here to take a rest,
I came here to leave one.
Types of farters
VAIN
A person who loves the smell of his own farts
AMIABLE
A person who loves the smell of other people's farts
PROUD
A person who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine
SHY
A person who releases silent farts and then blushes
IMPUDENT
A person who boldly farts out loud and then laughs
UNFORTUNATE
A person who tries awfully hard to fart but poops instead
SCIENTIFIC
A person who farts regularly but is only concerned about pollution
NERVOUS
A person who stops in the middle of his fart
HONEST
A person who admits he farted but offers good medical reasons
DISHONEST
A person who farts and then blames the dog
FOOLISH
A person who suppresses a fart for hours and hours
THRIFTY
A person who has several good farts in reserve
ANTI-SOCIAL
A person who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy
STRATEGIC
A person who conceals his farts with loud coughing
SADISTIC
A person who farts in bed and then fluffs the cover over his bedmate
INTELLECTUAL
A person who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart precisely the latest food item consumed
ATHLETIC
A person who farts at the slightest exertion
MISERABLE
A person who would truly love to, but can't fart at all
SENSITIVE
A person who farts and then starts crying
ART FART
It's such a beauty you want to immortalize it on canvas.
ARROGANT FART
When you think your farts don't stink.
ASSAULT FART
A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse.
TIRE FART
You can't control the blow out.
BEER FARTS
These come out of every 'can' and smell like warm beer.
JAIL FART
Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its great
escape.
DONKEY FART
Your ass is the only one that can do it.
GHOST FART
You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it.
HOME ALONE FART
When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one.
SHOE FART
When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.
TANK FART
When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.
OLD FART
You know how old it is by how bad it smells.
BRAIN FART
You need to fart, but nothing comes out.
ALZHEIMER FART
A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.
NOT-ME FART
When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the person
behind
you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!"
U.F.O. FART
When someone farts in crowded room, label it as a "Unidentified Foul
Odor".
It's such a beauty you want to immortalize it on canvas.
ARROGANT FART
When you think your farts don't stink.
ASSAULT FART
A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse.
TIRE FART
You can't control the blow out.
BEER FARTS
These come out of every 'can' and smell like warm beer.
JAIL FART
Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its great
escape.
DONKEY FART
Your ass is the only one that can do it.
GHOST FART
You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it.
HOME ALONE FART
When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one.
SHOE FART
When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.
TANK FART
When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.
OLD FART
You know how old it is by how bad it smells.
BRAIN FART
You need to fart, but nothing comes out.
ALZHEIMER FART
A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.
NOT-ME FART
When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the person
behind
you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!"
U.F.O. FART
When someone farts in crowded room, label it as a "Unidentified Foul
Odor".
Back when there were pay toilets in many areas, this was seen scratched
on the booth wall in the Greyhound station in Chattanooga, Tennessee:
"Here I sit,
all broken-hearted;
Paid a dime to shit,
and only farted!"
Another seen above a urinal in Norfolk, Virginia:
"Please don't throw cigar butts in the urinal; it makes them soggy and
hard to light!"
My brother saw his one above the urinal in the airport terminal in San
Diego:
Written on the wall just above the urinal, with an arrow ponting up:
"Look ye up!"
When he looked up, there near the ceiling was another arrow pointing
down, with this: "Look ye down, ye are pissing in ye boots!"
That's all I've got for now!
J.V. Tipton, Chattanooga, Tennessee.
"Wen yur shuving those tampoons think of my fat dik!"
"Who let the janitor in here with a pen?"
"I don't think it was the janitor.I think it was some gross bich."
"For the record, the following words are spelled: tampons, dick, shoving, when, and BITCH!"
Here I sit, in a vapor.
This damn place has no paper.
I cannot wait, I cannot linger:
Look out, ass hole, here comes my finger!
Some people come here to sit and think
and some come here so shit and stink
I just came to scratch my balls
and read the poems on the walls
You should really fear,
if a rat should bite your rear.
But I know one good protection...
Your should fart in the rats direction !
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted
Here I sit
What a caper
I have to shit
But I'm out of paper
You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit in my pants!
Some people come here to take a rest,
I came here to leave one.
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...
Here I sit, I'm at a loss
trying to shit out taco sauce.
When it comes, I hope and pray,
I don't blow my ass away
Brokenhearted.
Hoped to shit
but only farted...
This toiletpaper is just like Clint Eastwood:
- It´s rough
- It´s tough
- And it won´t take no shit
You should really fear,
if a rat should bite your rear.
But I know one good protection...
Your should fart in the rats direction !
Those who dare do not fear.
Those who fear do not care.
Those who care do not dare.
To Purty ta Peee In!
Exhibit Showcases the Lowly Outhouse as High Art
(see photos below)
Chances are you've never used one, but all this
month some of the prettiest outhouses in Texas
Are on display in downtown San Antonio.
The "Thunderbox Road" art exhibit is going on
at the Menger Hotel. There are 12 full-sized
"Thunderboxes" or outhouses painted and decorated
In true Texas style.
Sonja Howle with the Thunderbox Road exhibit says
it "was created to pay tribute and showcase the talent
we have in the Hill Country artists."
In February, the exhibit will be at the San Antonio
Stock Show and Rodeo. After their tour, the outhouses
will be auctioned off to benefit medical research and
the Western Art Museum in Kerrville.
- Air Show Disaster
- Amazing photos show great detail.
- The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.
- It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings.
- One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.
Probably scared the shit out of them!!!
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